Healing
by LOTR-nutcase
Summary: Houses of Healing drabble. The conversations Tolkien never gave us.
1. Frustration

AN: All right. Here I go again…This is what happens when I get on TORn and find a huge list of things that will hopefully be in the ROTK EE DVD and the Houses of Healing scenes between Faramir and Eowyn are listed. SQUEEE!

Disclaimer: I relinquish any and all claims to this. It all belongs to Tolkien.

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_March 16_

The pain in one arm is all but gone. The other heals swiftly. Why do I lie in sloth? Is there no empty saddle for me to fill? Though I will smite no more Nazgul, I can still wield a sword.

The healers say I must stay abed for six days yet. 

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_March 17_

Another nightmare came last night. I saw my brother fall, heard his cries for help, but his men did not come. I was there, but I could not reach him! I ran and ran, but could not move, and when he fell I wept. I woke to the feeling of tears on my face. My pillow was wet with saltwater.

The nurses will not tell me what is happening. Someone is always present, so I cannot rise and escape. I have sold one cage for another, and this one is not so gilded as Edoras.

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_March 18_

Now I know why the healers would give me no news of the war. Curse them! As soon as I found out, I leapt up and demanded to be set free, but they would not release me.

Why am I so angry? It is thus: A great host, the united strength of the Free Countries, has marched to Mordor to confront Sauron in a final battle. They left this morning. I heard the cheers and wails of the crowd through my open window, but I could not ride with them.

This, then, is why I have been kept a prisoner. They knew, for my brother, aye, and even Lord Aragorn, would have told them of my desire to follow the army unto death. These Healers of Gondor have dedicated their lives to bringing peace and health to others; why can they not see that I shall have neither till I have found an honorable death?

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_March 19_

My guardswoman, whose name I have found to be Ioreth, delivered a note to me today.

"Tis from his Lordship, the King of the Riders. Your brother, milady. I do apologize for not giving it to you sooner, but it clean slipped my mind, what with the sadness of yesterday's Farewell…" She rambled on as she handed me a slip of paper. It was written in the Common Tongue, of course, as Rohirric has no written form. Yet I could sense my brother in the words.

_My dear sister,_

No doubt you are greatly angered at your confinement to the Houses of Healing, but fret not, for you will find naught but goodwill there. Our deeds today are hopeless, yet it will bring my heart ease to know that you are safe, for the moment, and well cared-for in Minas Tirith. If these be our last days, it is my wish that you will spend yours in peace, if you can. If your fate is a death in battle, Eowyn, it will find you. Do not, I beg of you, go searching for it.

With all my love, Eomer

I sank to my bed and wept when I read his last words. How can I deny what might very well be his final request of me? I love my brother dearly, for he is all I have left, but…damn him for his pity!

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AN: OK. I know you're thinking "what?!" But I promise, the next bit will be better. Promise! Because in the next, she meets Faramir. And then, I will deviate a little from the book. But not much… oO;;;

REVIEW! :)


	2. First Meeting

AN: La la la….None of this is mine….All belongs to JRR Tolkien, etc. REVIEW! :)

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I want you to want me

I need you to need me

I'd love you to love me

I'm beggin' you to beg me…

Didn't I didn't I didn't I see you cryin'?

Didn't I didn't I didn't I see you cryin'?

Feelin' all alone without a friend and you feel like dyin'

Oh, didn't I didn't I didn't I see you cryin'?

Yeah, I don't know if those are the right words or not…

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_March 20_

This morning the sun rose in a brilliant, flaming sunrise, but I only saw its outer edge. My window does not face east. The colors gave me courage, however, to take advantage of Ioreth's absence.

I summoend one of the lesser maids and ordered her to bring me a robe. I must have seemed more intimidating than I meant to, because she did it, though she'd no doubt been ordered not to. Ioreth, the spineless maid told me, had taken a slight cold, and thus I would have no constant guard that day.

I convinced the girl to take me to the Warden of the Houses of Healing, whom I gathered was in charge. She led me through the twisting passageways into a large tower room with eastward-facing windows and shelves upon shelves of dusty books. I ran to look out over the plains towards Mordor, forgetting for the moment the short, balding man sitting behind an oversized desk.

"Lady!" He looked up in surprise. "you are not yet healed, and I was commanded to tend you with especial care. You should not have risen from your bed for seven days yet, or so I was bidden. I beg you to go back."

I turned reluctantly from the window, though I hadn't been able to see anything by dark mountains in the distance. "I am healed. Healed at least in body, save my left arm only, and that is at ease. But I shall sicken anew, if there is naught that I can do. Are there no tidings of war? The women can tell me nothing." I pleaded with him for news, for I had heard none since I learned of the Host of the West's march eastward.

He rambled off something about a new leader from the North, Aragorn no doubt, but told me nothing I did not already know. Then he spoke disparagingly of war in general, the bitter words of a man who holds no talent with a weapon.

"Would you have the folk of Gondor gather you herbs only, when the Dark Lord gathers armies? And it is not always good to be healed in body. Nor is it always evil to die in battle, even in bitter pain. Were I permitted, in this dark hour I would choose the latter." I gazed again out the window, angry at myself for allowing my emotions to dictate my words. Depressed ravings would not convince the Warden to free me. I spoke again, more gently.

"Is there no deed to do? Who commands in this City?" Perhaps the ruler would give me some useful task to fulfill, preferably involving a sword.

"I do not rightly know," he answered, rising from his seat. "Such things are not my care. There is a marshal over the Riders of Rohan;" My heard ached at the mention of Eomer "and the Lord Hurin, I am told, commands the men of Gondor. But the Lord Faramir is by right the Steward of the City."

Then to Lord Faramir I would go, and request permission to be set free. "Where can I find him?" I expected to be given directions to the Steward's Palace, and told I couldn't go there, but I was surprised at the answer I received.

"In this house, Lady. He was sorely hurt, but is now set again on the way to health. But I do not know---" The Warden faltered. I was irritated.

"Will you not bring me to him? Then you will know."

With a very loud, pointed sigh the Warden led me out of the room. I followed briskly behind him, planning my approach to the Lord Steward. He had been wounded in battle, so I anticipated that he would be an elderly man, perhaps my uncle's age. I would flatter the care given to me in the Houses, then quietly slip in a request to leave.

It was not long before I found myself outdoors, my shoes clicking on a quant cobblestone path. Trees, bushes, flowers of every imaginable variety grew on either side, and gravel tributaries often opened up for adventurous patients to traverse at their leisure. The sun was shining overhead, but a cool wind blew leaves across the path. Soon we came to the Eastern wall of the city. I could see the figure of a man standing against the wall, but the sun rising behind him prevented me from at first making out his face. The Warden introduced the man as Lord Faramir and relayed my complaint, then at a sign from the Steward, left.

"Do not misunderstand him, lord," I began. "It is not lack of care that grieves me. No houses could be fairer, for those who desire to be healed. But I cannot lie in sloth, idle, caged. I looked for death in battle, but I have not died, and battle goes on."

"What would you have me do, lady? I also am a prisoner of the healers." With that he turned towards me, and as a cloud drifted across the sun I saw the his face.

He is not an old man at all, the Lord Faramir. Older than my brother, yes, but younger than Lord Aragorn by far. He has dark, aye raven-black, hair and fine gray eyes, set in a noble face and tall figure. Yet it was not his physical features that struck me at that moment: 'twas the understanding within him. For I saw that he, too, had known great pain in his life, and was striving to overcome it. This shamed me, for I know I wallow in my own, rather than make the effort to find peace. Is Lord Faramir, then, stronger than I? But this pain I saw only for a moment before he concealed it behind a stern bearing and strength of character. It must have been a mighty foe to strike down such a man as this.

"What do you wish? If it lies in my power, I will do it." He asked again, and I realized that I had not answered him.

"I—I would have you command this Warden, and bid him let me go!" The words sprang from my lips before I could think up finer ones, and I know I sounded like an unruly child.

But he only smiled gently at me. "I myself am in the Warden's keeping, Nor have I yet taken up my authority in the City. But had I done so, I should still listen to his counsel, and should not cross his will in matters of his craft, unless in some great need." Though his words may indicate so, there was not a drop of condescention in his voice. Much as I wanted to find pity, and patronization, I could not.

I tried again to convince him. "But I do not desire healing, I wish to ride to war like my brother Eomer, or better like Theoden the king, for he died and has both honour and peace."

Then he spoke words that I had known in my heart, but hearing them made it worse, and I felt the walls of pride around my heart begin to chip, for here was one who knew what I endured. 

"It is too late, lady, to follow the Captains, even if you had the strength. But death in battle may come to us all yet, willing or unwilling. You will be better prepared to face it in your own manner, if while there is still time you do as the Healer commanded. You and I, we must endure with patience the hours of waiting."

I knew he was right, but that did not stop a tear from running down my cheek. I brushed it aside and spoke words to myself that I did not think Lord Faramir would hear.

"But the healers would have me lie abed seven days yet, And my window does not look eastward." But he heard me, and what he said next surprised me.

"Your window does not look eastward? That can be amended. In this I will command the Warden. If you will stay in this house in our care, lady, and take yoru rest, then you shall walk in this garden in the sun, as you will, and you shall look east, whither all our hopes have gone. And here you will find me, walking and waiting, and also looking east. It would ease my care, if you would speak to me, or walk at whiles with me."

Me? Ease his care? I did not understand.

I asked him. And told him I did not desire the speech of living men.

"Eowyn of Rohan, I say to you that you are beautiful."

I looked at him in shock. What had my appearance to do with anything? There are much more important matters at stake!

"In the valleys of our hills there are flowers fair and bright, and maidens fairer still; but neither flower nor lady have I seen till now in Gondor so lovely, and so sorrowful. It may be that only a few days are left ere darkness falls upon our world, and when it comes I hope to face it steadily; but it would ease my heart, if while the Sun yet shines, I could see you still. For you and I have both passed under the wings of the Shadow, and the same hand drew us back."

Why did I shun his friendship? I can only say that my heart is too cold to be eased by kind words. I do not wish to cause this man more hurt, and that is all he will receive from me.

"Alas, not me, lord!" I protested as I backed away. "Shadow lies on me still. Look not to me for healing! I am a shieldmaiden and my hand is ungentle. But I thank ou for this at least, that I need not keep to my chamber. I will walk abroad by the grace of the Steward of the City." With that I made a hasty courtesy and fled back inside.

So now I sit here, pouring empty thoughts onto unfeeling paper and wondering why I ran from comfort.

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Please Review!! :)


	3. Foliage

AN: Wow! I love you guys, really, but you're killing me here. I can't sleep because I feel guilty for not having written another chapter! :)

LSOA: You're awesome! Thanks for the summary.

Sareh: Thank you so much for the super review! That was wonderful to read. Hope you like this chapter!

Eokat: Thanks again :)

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Hold your head high,

Don't look down

I'm by your side,

You wanted a hero tonight.

Well, I'm not made of steel,

But your secret's safe with me.

-Our Lady Peace

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_March 21_

I did not intend to take Lord Faramir up on his offer of company in the gardens. I had every intention of staying away, for how can there be friendship between two people when one of them wishes only for death? But I saw a hint of the sunrise out my window this morning, and knowing that I could run outdoors and witness all of its glory, it was impossible not to do so.

It was chilly on the walls, clad as I was only in a thin white working dress, and I hugged myself as I gazed out eastwards. A shadow resides there, impenetrable to the light, but above it the sun still shines. For some reason it made me sad; not the shadow, but the light: for though I could see its beauty I felt none of its warmth. 

But a voice soon interrupted my introspection. It called from the gardens below, a hint of warmth in the icy wind. The Lord Steward stood at the foot of the steps leading from the wall, watching me. I went down to him.

"I bid you good morning, Lady." He greeted me with a faint smile, and I saw again a hint of the pain he hid deep within him. I had the sudden inexplicable urge to ask him what had caused such a hurt, but of course I did not.

"'Tis chilly, but the sunrise is glorious. What brings you to the Gardens so early, Lord?" I asked him. He looked at me out of those calm dark eyes.

"I find the sunrise calming at times. When the nightmares…" He broke off. "When the Shadow holds sleep at bay, 'tis best to rise early and start the day anew, I think."

I nodded silently. I, too, had suffered from nightmares since the Pelennor Fields.

"Will you walk with me?" I looked up at his face. He was wearing an odd expression…one that I cannot define. It was expectant, but stopped short of hopeful, and his eyes were wary, as though he expected me to refuse him. I began to decline, until I remembered that my alternative was to go back into my room. 'Twould be rude to deny his request yet remain in the gardens. So I agreed and we began idling slowly down one of the winding white paths.

For several minutes we simply walked, neither attempting to make conversation nor paying much attention to the scenery. I was lost in my own memories, as I think was Lord Faramir. But soon a flash of burgundy caught my eye, and I turned to see a grove of trees covered in wine-colored blossoms. I took a step off the path towards them.

"Lord…what are those trees over there? The ones with the red crowns." I asked. He looked and smiled softly. 

"Redwood, my Lady. There is a seat under those boughs. Would you care to sit?" I wasn't tired, but I nodded, for I wished to have a closer look at the beautiful trees.

Lord Faramir led me through the hedges and trees that line the paths to a grassy spot within the grove of redwoods. I stepped into the center and looked straight up. The sky peeked out between thousands and thousands of tiny round flowers, all the color of rich wine. It was so beautiful, line being inside a pomegranate, that I almost felt life within me again. But the moment was ruined by a couple of chattering nurses walking along the path. So I sighed, brought myself back to earth, and sat down on an elegant wooden bench beneath the largest tree.

The Steward slowly paced the glade, examining each low branch and leaf. I realized that he must have been here before. There was a quiet pride in his bearing that made me think perhaps he had planted the trees.

"I apologize if I have intruded upon your private sanctuary, my Lord."

"It's hardly private, but you are welcome here whenever you so desire, Lady."

"Did you plant them, these trees?" I asked. 

He turned and lifted one eyebrow with surprise. "What makes you ask that?"

I shrugged.

He began studying the trees again. "Actually, I didn't plant them. But when I was very small, and my life seemed to… to close in around me…I would come here with a book and take myself far away. To Valinor, or Tol Eressea, or Numenor that was, and I would study these trees. No one ever found me hiding here."

His life seemed to close in around him? I was irritated by his words.

"You speak as though you have led an unjust life, Lord. Tell me, why did you hide in books, and not take the freedom of the sword that, as a man, you were given?" My voice was bitter, for it angered me that he had so casually tossed away what I so desperately wanted, nay, needed.

His eyes were so intense that I could not meet them. Dark gray eyes like the storm clouds that roll over the plains before it rains.

"Perhaps you would not grasp a sword so readily had one been thrust at you since you were born, weighed down with lofty expectations that you could never meet…"He broke off. "I apologize, Lady. If my words seem angry, they are not directed at you."

I could not meet his gaze. "I could say the same, Lord. My apologies as well."

We sat in deep silence for quite some time, and I found myself pondering Lord Faramir's words. There had been expectations in my life, and ones that I could have met, had I so chosen. Instead I had chased after a dream that I knew in my heart would end badly. And so it had; but it hadn't ended as I had hoped. I lived on, and now I am lost.

Later the Steward walked me back to the Houses of Healing. He asked me to meet him in the gardens again tomorrow, and I agreed.

"I will walk with you again, Lord, though I do not know why you ask it of me. For if you looked for soft words and comfort, you did not find it." 

He laughed softly. A handsome man should not also be allowed a fine laugh.

"No, Lady, I would expect no soft words from you, nor would I want them. But we are more alike than you think, and finding out how is a challenge I cannot resist. I bid you good day." He bowed and left. 

I spent the rest of the day exploring the Houses. There are quite interesting books to be found, and there are herbs that mystify me, but otherwise this is a very boring place to be confined to. The only thing I have to look forward to is tomorrow's jaunt with a young man whose eyes hold wisdom beyond his years, and who speaks in riddles.

Why did I call him handsome?


	4. Faramir's Story

AN: Wow, I know it's been longer than usual since an update, but I've been swamped with work, and a $600 car bill, and a very distracting young man at work that I can't bring up the guts to talk to…but I digress. So sorry if this sounds _too_ angsty, if it does, that's why. Hope you like it. Review! Oh, and my lovely reviewers: I love you all, but I'm much too lazy to reply to everyone individually! I will next chapter, though, when I'm actually awake. Don't stop reviewing! I love constructive criticism…

Disclaimer: Yadda yadda….none of this is mine…

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I know

I may end up failing too

But I know

That you were just like me, 

With someone disappointed in you.

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_March 22_

I slept later this morning, and there was no nightmare. It is strange that I can feel so secure in this prison, when my own home frightened me for so long. Yet in my heart I know why: it is because there is no Wormtongue here.

But I will not think of that. Not yet.

I will think instead of today's conversation with Faramir.

I met him in the gardens again, slightly later than yesterday. He was waiting for me by the wall, where I he had called to me before. There was a troubled look on his face that passed away when I approached him.

"Lady Eowyn," he said, "I feared you would not come."

"I slept later today. I apologize if I have kept you waiting…"

"Not at all. Indeed, I am honored that you chose to meet me again. Come! Shall we walk?" He offered me his arm, but I did not take it.

We strolled through the gardens again, but not this time in awkward silence. I felt comfortable with Faramir…(aye, and I have even begun calling him by his given name in my thoughts!) for I have seen that he will neither put me on a vile pedestal like Wormtongue nor pity me like Lord Aragorn…but I will not think of him, either.

Somehow our steps led us back to the dogwood glade. _AN: Yes, I know I said redwood last time. I'm dumb. Ignore mistakes like this…_ The blossoms seemed even brighter today, if that is possible! I did not sit down on the bench, but sank instead to the grass beneath the largest of the trees and stared up through its branches. Faramir sat next to me, a respectful distance away.

I do not know what prompted me to ask him such a thing as I did, but I suddenly burst out, "What is it you have nightmares of, my Lord?"

Faramir looked down at me oddly. "How do you know of my nightmares?"

"You started to mention them yesterday, but stopped. And there is a pain in your eyes, though you hide it well, that surely haunts your sleep."

He did not speak for a moment, then he began carefully, not looking at me but staring out through the trees.

"Fire…always fire. I feel its heat on my flesh, I see it through my closed eyes, but the poison from the wound does not let me move. In my mind, I can see my father leap onto a lit pyre and end his life, and I know, though they will not tell me so to my face, that he intended to take me with him." He closed his eyes against the pain. "In the dream, I remember my youth, always being second to Boromir, and deservedly so, but my father never let a chance pass to tell me so. When I grew bored with sword exercises and wanted to visit the libraries, or the artists' shops, he would not let me. I love serving my country, Lady, and I love with all my heart that which the sword and spear defend, and I have always done my uttermost to see my city and home safe. But I find no joy in slaying my fellow Men, no matter where they issue from.

"And that, Lady Eowyn, is what I dream of every night. Of my father's scorn for my attempts to win his good will, and of the families of men who will not return home from the North, or the West; of their pain."

I stared at him for a moment. It seemed to me, for I had heard nothing but praise about him from the healers and servants, that this man was as great a warrior and battle tactician as had ever been. Yet he did not take pleasure in any of it.

"You would rather spend your days locked indoors than outside, riding through the wind to glory and valor?" I asked him with genuine curiosity, and no bitterness this time, and he answered in like.

"War can be as much of a prison as a building, Lady. Any kind of duty can."

I pondered his words. 

"Yes, duty can be a cage." As I knew all too well.

"So, my Lady. What think you of our City thus far?" Faramir changed the subject to a lighter one, and I was grateful. I am not yet ready to face my memories; perhaps I will never escape them.

We talked the morning away, then, speaking of topics such as the differences and similarities of our countries' customs. I know much more about Gondor now…their society is more formal and high-minded than Rohan's, but they have many festivals and feast-days as well. Faramir was called away to his duties before noon, but he asked me to come again tomorrow, and I agreed without hesitating. The remainder of the day I passed by shadowing the Warden and making him show me how to mix various potions. I can cure a stomachache and ease the healing of small bruises now, though this knowledge will no doubt be useless when we're all slaves of Mordor.

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	5. Friction

**Author:** Well, well, here I am, typing again when I should be sleeping. But it's worth it for all those wondrous reviews! 

*Chibi-Kaz: HUGS! Thank you for the compliment…I do try to stay close to Tolkien's language, but it's difficult!

*Dimfuin: Thanks, glad you like it! And I'm working on the young man, slowly but surely…;)

*Telhyandowen: Gosh, I'm going to get a big head if you keep reviewing me like that! Thanks

*NerinaDragonstongue: Here's your update!

*LSOA: You are so awesome! Have fun at Disney…band rocks!

*Lariren-Shadow: I'll probably continue this story through the "Starry Mantle" scene, with some kind of epilogue. Thanks for the review!

**Disclaimer:** I own none of this, and I'm not making any dough from it. 

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone_

_But though you're still with me_

_I've been alone all along._

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            _March 23_

What a day this has been…if I made any progress towards healing these past three days, I fear I have undone it all through my cowardly conduct. I will apologize to Faramir tonight, but I must record the circumstances first.

            A strange dream visited me last night. In my mind I rejoiced, for I saw my uncle again, strong and hale. He was entering a great hall, larger than Meduseld, and everything was covered in gold. Many men, obviously of great rank, sat in honor around a long table, and turned to face Theoden as he approached. The lord at the head of the table stood and met him, clasping his hands in brotherly affection, then turned and gave a loud cry. The other men stood and echoed him, and my uncle took a seat at the table.

            I knew what this meant. Theoden has gone to the halls of his fathers, and has entered there with no less honor than Eorl himself, who greeted him. But the remainder of the dream puzzled me.

            It seemed that I was walking through a thick fog. Twas not evil, but neither was it harmless, for there were voices in it. Some of them resembled the voices I heard while under the Black Breath, but some sounded like my brother. One voice stood out from the rest, and I recognized Aragorn's kingly tones. I continued my way through the mist, for I had the strangest feeling that I had to find something.

            After many frustrating minutes, the mist cleared, and I found myself standing at the edge of a giant canyon. There was only oppressive darkness to be seen in its depths, but I stood on the very brink of the cliff. My brother and Lord Aragorn called to me from behind, urging me to turn and come back, but I could not, for I could not see anything at my back. I could not move. 

            Then I heard Wormtongue's cursed speech ooze out from the pit. He told me that I was nothing—a worthless woman, suited only for breeding and growing old—that I would never join Theoden in the afterlife and that I might as well leap into the empty blackness.

            I tried to deny his words, but I could not find the strength to shut him out. I sank to my knees and sobbed.

            Then, suddenly, I felt warmth on my brow and I jerked out of slumber to find myself twisted in blankets and soaked with sweat, my throat hoarse from crying. Faramir leaned over me, eyes dark with concern. I sat bolt upright and looked around my chamber. Several maids and Ioreth were present.

            "My Lady Eowyn. It was only a dream. You are awake now, and safe." Faramir withdrew his hand from my forehead and I looked up to meet his gaze.

            "Nay, Lord, 'twas all too real for my peace of mind. Why are there people here? Why are _you_ present?"

            He gave a grim smile. "Your screams roused the nurses, but none could wake you. They sent for me, since we are known to have become friends, and you awoke when I touched your face."

            I clutched a blanket to my throat and calmed my breathing.

            "I thank you for that, and apologize for any inconvenience." I asked Ioreth to draw a bath, then turned back to Faramir. He motioned for the maids to leave.

            "Perhaps you will tell me what you dreamt of that so upset you, Lady?"

            "No, Lord. It is a private matter."

            His gaze grew troubled and stern. "I have some experience in interpreting strange dreams, Eowyn. Discussing it might help you to understand it."

            I was still upset from the visions in my mind, but that is no excuse. 

            "No! I do not need you to tell me what my dreams mean, when you still suffer from your own."

            Despite my ire, Faramir remained calm. "My Lady, it has not escaped my notice that though you have been given ample opportunities to confide in the maids, the nurses, the warden, and even myself, you will not. Do you hold your grief so dear that you would use it as a shield from life?"

            I simply glared at him. Ioreth escorted several buckets full of steaming water into the room and prepared my bath. Then she exited.

            "I would! Life is pain, but thinking about my misfortunes only makes it harsher."

            "Have you no desire to be healed?"

            "I have told many people in this House many times: no." My shoulders sank and my voice was quiet. "Why should I feel again? I will only feel more pain. Now if you will excuse me, I will bathe now."

            Faramir, of course, did not press the matter, but bowed and left. It is only now, after a bath and a sleeping-draught that lasted nearly all day, that I can see how badly I behaved. There can be no harm in talking to Faramir about my dream; perhaps it will ease me into telling him the longer, sadder tale of the dilapidation of Meduseld. The Steward sent a note requesting that I meet him at the Eastern Wall this evening, if it is my pleasure, and I shall.

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REVIEW! I don't think this chapter is as good as the last, but hey.


	6. Finally

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Author's Note: OK, I know that last chapter was short (and not my best) so I'll try to make this one good and long, before ER comes on tonight. Thanks as always to my reviewers! 

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And we sing

Sing without a reason

To never fall in love

To never fall in love again

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_March 23, After dark_

It seems I shall have to wait until tomorrow morning to relate my tale to Faramir. He has sent word through Ioreth that he cannot meet me tonight.

"The Lord Steward begs your pardon, my Lady, and says that he has been called to a state council that will not wait. He asks that you plan to walk in the gardens as you are wont to do at sunrise." 

I had been pacing in my room, planning out how to tell my story when the old nurse arrived and spoke. I am disappointed, but no matter. I know Faramir has other duties to see to than my care. Frankly, it astonishes me that he has already spent so much time on me, for I am a hopeless case. 

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_March 24_

I have done it at last! I have told Faramir of my dream, and though the weight of the past has not been lifted from my shoulders, I must admit it is easier to bear knowing I am not the only one who knows of it. There is someone I can talk to in my brother's absence.

I almost feared to sleep last night, but the nightmare did not revisit me. Yet it lingers still in my heart, and I rose early enough to catch the first glimpse of the sun rising beyond the white walls of Minas Tirith. I stood there in quiet contemplation for nearly an hour before Faramir arrived.

He waited at the bottom of the stairs until I motioned him to climb up beside me. It is a painful story that I tell, and I could not look in his eyes, so I stared at the shadowed mountains in the East.

"I was orphaned at a young age, and my brother and I were brought to the King's house and raised as his son was. I grew to love my uncle dearly, and I often followed my brother and cousin as a young girl, learning to ride and fight alongside them. But as I became a woman I was expected to tend to the house, and leave matters of honor and war to the men, yet for many years it was an annoyance and nothing more, for my uncle was like a father to me and I served him happily.

"And then came Grima Wormtongue. He was merely an advisor at first, but he quickly slithered his way into Theoden's heart, through his own vile talents and Saruman's sorcery. I watched as a once-proud man fell into old age and sloth and our city fell to near-ruin. Eomer and I knew the country would soon follow, for Wormtongue was seizing more power every day. So my brother, roughly a month ago, set out against Wormtongue's orders to try and stay the destruction of Rohan. For this he was banished, and I was left alone in Meduseld with Uncle.

"But there is more. Eomer suspected, I think, but he did not know what else I endured. For Wormtongue wanted more than Theoden under his control. He would often follow me about the Hall, lurking in shadows until I was alone, then approaching me with foul suggestions and evil words. Few times did he touch me, and when he did I swiftly made him to regret it, but his words were daily killing my spirit. I prayed every night for salvation; for Eomer's return, or Grima's death, or my own, if only to escape. For I dared not leave Theoden alone in the Hall long enough to ride outdoors.

"And then, one day, as if in answer to my pleas, there came to Rohan four people: a wizard who healed my Uncle; a dwarf and an Elf who fought alongside my people; and a great and noble Man. Aragorn had such an air of high ancestry and pride tempered by kindness about him that I secretly, and later less secretly, hoped he might carry me away from the doom that seemed to hang over my House. But he gave me only pity, which fed my long-simmering anger and desperation. So I rode with the army when they came to Gondor, and I looked for death in battle but did not find it. And now I am faced with what to do. This waiting and wondering while our future is decided in the East is driving me mad!"

I paused for a moment and composed myself, then I related to the still-silent Faramir my dream from the night before. I finally turned to face him.

"Well, my Lord? What say you of this nightmare of mine?"

His gaze was intense, and lines drew on his brow as he spoke.

"The abyss that is before you is not of your making, Eowyn, but you are doomed to fall into it if you do not find a way to step back. The darkness in your heart was kindled by Wormtongue's words, and you are tempted to fall into it because it would be easier than to live without the love of a man whose regard you wish to have. The choice comes to you in your sleep, but you must make the choice consciously and while awake. Only then will you be healed."

A tear spilled down my cheek, and I wiped it angrily away.

"Then I fear I will never be healed, Lord, for I think I lack the courage to take life back."

Then Faramir suddenly clasped my shoulders and looked into my eyes, aye and into my very soul.

"If I were to choose one thing that you without a doubt do not lack, Lady, it would be courage. Courage in battle you possess, and courage in life is no different. It is only yet before you to find it."

"The evil voices of the Black Breath sleep still in my mind, Lord."

"But they do not hold sway over your heart!" He released me and stepped back. It seemed that he was going to say something else, but did not. I looked at the sun.

"I must go. I promised Ioreth that I would help her prepare a batch of syrups today. Thank you listening, my Lord." I curtsied and left him standing there on the wall, bathed in the morning light.


	7. Freedom

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Author: Wow, it's been awhile! Hopefully I can get back into the swing of things and not disappoint myself. Between school and work, I've been having trouble finding free time. Oh, and by the way: you all need to see Love, Actually. Such a sweet movie! Thank you reviewers, you're the best. 

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Hold on

When you feel like letting go

Hold on

It gets better than you know.

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_March 25_

Praise be to all the powers that lie beyond this world!

Out of our darkest despair salvation has come! Hope was not In vain these past black days, for Sauron is vanquished at last. How did this happen? I do not yet know the full story. Eomer will no doubt tell me when he returns…he will return! My heart leaps in my chest at the thought of my brother coming home.

Aragorn will return. Why now does this seem of little importance? Never mind…I shall tell today's tale.

The sun did not wake me this morning, for it was hidden behind thick gray clouds There was something oppressive in the air that set me on edge, filled with nervous energy. I went to the far Northern wall, for something drew me to look out towards Mordor. I tried to study a book of herbs but could not concentrate, and soon I was shivering. Twas an unusually cold day, and the North wind was blowing furiously.

Faramir joined me after some time. He was carrying a large box. He looked amused about something.

"Despite the frigid wind, I knew you would still come here. I hope you will not think ill of me if I offer you a gift." He opened the box and drew forth a long, midnight blue robe. I gasped, for I could see it was of superior craftsmanship, and quite rich. He bade me to turn, and I felt him wrap the mantle about my shoulders and smooth its folds down the back. I was instantly warmed from standing nearer to Faramir and being covered with the thick embroidered velvet. White gems and silver stars were sewn about the throat.

"It is beautiful, my Lord, and warm. I thank you." I bowed formally. "But wherever did you get such a lovely gift on short notice?"

Faramir's eyes grew soft, but I could see it was not with sadness, but with a treasured memory.

"The mantle was made for my mother, Finduilas, before she died. Your constant shivering recalled it to mind." A strange, almost nervous feeling twisted my stomach.

"Your mother? My Lord, I…I do not know if I can…"

He waved my protests aside. "'Twould be a shame to leave such fine work tucked away gathering dust."

"Thank you." I said again, quietly, but this time it was not for etiquette's sake. Breaking away from his gray gaze, I went to the wall and looked out Northwards again.

Faramir came up beside me. "What do you look for, Eowyn?" He asked.

"Does not the Black Gate lie yonder? And must he not now be come thither? It is seven days since he rode away." I missed my brother dearly.

A flash of something, almost disappointment or sadness, crossed Faramir's face, but as usual he quickly hid it.

"Seven days," he said. "But think not ill of me, if I say to you: they have brought me both a joy and a pain that I never thought to know. Joy to see you; but pain, because now the fear and doubt of this evil time are grown dark indeed. Eowyn, I would not have this world end now, or lose so soon what I have found."

I was curious. "Lose what you have found, lord? I know not what in these days you have found that you could lose. But come, my friend, let us not speak of it! Let us not speak at all! I stand upon some dreadful brink, and it is utterly dark in the abyss before my feet, but whether there is any light behind me I cannot tell. For I cannot turn yet. I wait for some stroke of doom." I recalled my dream, and suddenly it seemed to me that I was physically at the edge of the pit again, waiting desperately for something. But Faramir was beside me, and I was not afraid.

"Yes, we wait for the stroke of doom." He said quietly, and was silent.

In that moment it seemed to me that what light came through the clouds was dimmed, and the wind dwindled away to nothing. No sound came from the Houses, or from the streets below, and the whole city watched and waited. There was nothing in the world, not even time. There was only Faramir and I and the black mountains in the distance.

Suddenly another mountain grew. A mountain of shadow, of utter darkness reached up towards the sky, and lightning flashed to the earth. The ground shuddered, and I think I felt the very walls of the City shake But as quickly as it had come, the shadow blew away in the wind, and the world jerked back to life.

"It reminds me of Numenor." Faramir murmured. I turned to him and realized that my hand was clutching his, but he made no move to release me. I asked him what he meant.

"The land of Westernesse that foundered, and of the great dark wave climbing over the green lands and above the hills, and coming on, darkness unescapable. I often dream of it." His eyes were far away, and I felt alone.

"Then you think that the Darkness is coming? Darkness Unescapable?" To my shame, my voice quavered, and I pulled closer to him. Then Faramir looked at me and light filled his eyes and he smiled.

"No. It was but a picture in the mind. I do not know what is happening. The reason of my waking mind tells me that great evil has befallen and we stand at the end of days. But my heart says nay; and all my limbs are light, and a hope and joy are come to me that no reason can deny. Eowyn, Eowyn, White Lady of Rohan, in this hour I do not believe that any darkness will endure!"

Then he bent and kissed my forehead softly. 

I stared at him, meaning to ask why, but the words would not reach my lips. I wonder, now, what would have happened if at the moment a great Eagle had not flown over head with the wind and brought news:

_The Realm of Sauron is ended forever_

And the Dark Tower is thrown down.

Then my heart was filled with true joy for the first time since…well, it has been too long. I could not make the smile leave my face, and tears of happiness fell from my eyes. Faramir took my arm and ran with me out into the City, where the people sang in the streets. The sun shone, and the wind became gentle, but somewhere in the crowd I lost sight of the Lord Steward.

I know not how long we rejoiced in the streets, but now the sun has fallen and I am here in my chamber in the Houses of Healing. The life that I long despaired of has been given back to me, and to us all, but what am I to do with it? Perhaps I will ask Faramir his opinion when I see him again.

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Whew! Now, I just have to while away some more days before she meets Faramir and they have their little chat. Shouldn't be too hard…*snert* REVIEW please!


	8. Falling

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Me Again: Well, here I am again! I really wanted to get this finished by the end of April, in the vain hope of a Mithril nomination, but it doesn't look like I will, since May will be here in two hours. I might get really gung-ho, though, so who knows. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed Healing thus far…you are all amazing. 

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_March 26_

I did not get a chance to talk to Faramir today. He is apparently quite overcome with matters of State, and preparing for the return of the King. Aragorn will be arriving soon. 

How will I greet him?

_March 27_

The hobbit Merry was called away to the Cormallen fields today. I, too, received summons:

_My dear sister: I hope this letter finds you well, and that you have regained your strength. Beyond all hope our prayers have been answered, and the Dark Lord is forever vanquished! There is great rejoicing here at the camp as the Ringbearer rests before returning to Minas Tirith. I bid you come and join us, for I have missed you sorely and there are many people I would like you to meet._

-With love, Eomer

I greatly wish to see my brother again, but I will not go. I do not think I could bear to look upon Lord Aragorn, for I would be ashamed. I declared my love for him, but it was a mere infatuation. I know this because my heart feels no loneliness that would be remedied by his presence: I yearn for my brother, for my home, for Faramir who is the truest friend anyone could ask for, but not for Aragorn.

_March 28_

My first elation at our good fortune has dwindled somewhat. I walked in the gardens again today, but I found no peace there. The dogwood grove is no longer in bloom, and the silence of the woods seems lonely without Faramir there to be silent with me.

_March 29_

I saw Faramir briefly today. I had not realized how much I miss his company, but when I saw him passing by on the street below the wall my heart lightened, for he was smiling. I called to him and he looked up at me and waved. Soon he passed out of my sight.

To pass the time Ioreth has been teaching me to set broken bones. 'Tis a tricky business, for if it is not done correctly the limb will heal crooked and the patient may be crippled for life. Ioreth says I have a talent for healing. It is strange that a woman who had once lusted after battle should now be mending wounds!

_March 30_

Eomer sent me another note asking me to ride to the Cormallen, and again I have declined. I hardly ever think of Aragorn these days, and I have no wish to bring him to mind again.

Comfrey poultices can be used on festering sores, bruises, and burns.

_March 31_

Why? I thought that with the fall of Sauron my dark dreams would pass, but they do not. I was visited again last night. 

'Twas the same as before: I struggled through a dense fog filled with evil voices until I found myself at the edge of a great abyss. My brother called me back, as did Lord Aragorn in pity for me, but I could not turn. It was as though I was waiting for something else. 

Someone shook me awake and I jerked out of sleep. Faramir was leaning over me looking concerned.

"Was it the same dream?" He asked. I nodded and before I could stop myself I threw my arms around him and let myself feel safe for a moment. He held me briefly, as Eomer would have done, then pulled away.

"They sent for me when they could not wake you. Will you be all right?"

"Why can I not turn away? Why won't it stop? The Shadow is gone, why do my dreams linger?" Tears of frustration fell from my eyes and I angrily wiped them away.

"Perhaps there is something more that must happen, something you must do, before you are truly healed." Faramir gently cupped my cheek. "Do not fear, Lady. Your spirit is wrought of steel; it will take more than a stubborn dream to bring you to your knees." He leaned slightly towards me, then stopped and stood to leave.

"Faramir? My Lord?" I called softly. He turned and looked at me with those deep cloud-gray eyes of his.

"I have missed your company. Thank you for coming." He smiled and bowed, then left.

How much longer must I stay here? My mind wishes to go home to Rohan, but something in my soul bids me to stay, to wait.

_April 1_

I have been in a bleak mood since the dream revisited my slumber. I snap at Ioreth for no reason, and I spend too much time alone. Yet there is nothing else to pass the time.

_April 2_

It is the worst thing in the world, to know that you are falling into despair, to watch yourself wither, and yet not find the will to stop it.

_April 6_

I did not get out of bed today, for what is the point? There is nothing to write of except the dark thoughts that trouble my mind. Ioreth clucks her tongue at me, but cannot understand why I am not interested in life.

_April 7_

The Warden came to see me today. I was sitting in the gardens, moping like a spoiled child. 

"My Lady, why do you undo all the progress you made these past weeks?"

"My heart is sick, not my body, Warden."

"Yet you learned to laugh and smile again until Lord Faramir left." The Warden is quite perceptive for a man of his age.

"The Lord Steward no doubt has more pressing business to attend to than a depressed Shieldmaid. I would not beg his company like a courtier." I glared at the Warden. He sighed and looked into the distance, then glanced sharply at me as though a thought had just occurred to him. He started to speak, then stopped, and a strange glint came into his eyes. He scuttled off without saying another word.

I know they are right. They are all right. I am not helping myself by sulking here, but I am waiting for something, I know not what.

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Me Yet Again: OK! Next up: Faramir's Declaration!!


	9. Faramir's Declaration

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Author's Obligatory Note: Well, here it is. Everybody's FAVORITE E/F scene (well, it's mine anyway). I'll try to do justice to it. On a side note- my horoscope today said something really good would happen with my love life, and since I don't have a love life, I have great hopes. ;) Right.

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Reviewers: I have never been so flattered in my entire life! I really don't think my writing is all that great, but thank you for saying so. :-)

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I've found a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

And the reason is you.

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_April 8_

I woke this morning filled with restless confusion. I had dreamed that Aragorn returned to the city in rich splendor and smiled at me, but his happiness was in seeing me well, for I was healed. I stood at the gates of the city, and someone was beside me. I knew he was a noble and valiant man, and kind, but I could not turn to see his face. It is on the tip of my tongue who it was, for I knew him somehow, but the answer eludes me.

With my mind thus occupied, I fled my rooms to the high walls above Minas Tirith. The sun was rising in golden splendor, and it was warm. A gentle breeze blew, a far cry from the voracious winds of the weeks before. I was alone, and I felt at one with the dawn, so I cried out to the sky:

"What is it you want from me? What am I waiting for?"

Then I clutched the railing as if to crush it in my grip. But I was not alone for long. I heard footsteps approaching, and someone climbed the stairs to join me. I turned around and to my surprise, saw Faramir. 

He was clad in finer garb than I had seen him wearing before, for he has taken up duty as the ruler of the city, til the King shall come. It occurred to me that black and white livery suited him.

Faramir approached me. My heart lightened strangely with his presence. 

"Good morning, my Lady."

I inclined my head. "Lord Faramir." I studied the well-hidden emotions in his eyes. What was he thinking? "What brings you here at such an hour?"

"Eowyn, why do you tarry here, and do not go to the rejoicing in Cormallen beyond Cair Andros, where your brother awaits you?" Faramir was concerned for my health, but I did not wish to burden him again with my turmoil.

"Do you not know?" He knew what my feelings for Aragorn had been, he would assume that they held me back from leaving the city.

"Two reasons there may be, but which is true, I do not know."

"I do not wish to play at riddles. Speak plainer!" 

`But the Steward of Gondor is no one's fool. He saw more clearly into my soul than I did, and for those precious moments on the wall, the curtain he shadowed his eyes with fled, and he allowed me to glimpse his heart.

"Then if you will have it so, lady, you do not go, because only your brother called you, and to look on the Lord Aragorn, Elendil's heir, in his triumph would now bring you no joy. Or because I do not go, and you desire still to be near me. And maybe for both these reasons, and you yourself cannot choose between them." He paused, and I could not look at him.

"Eowyn, do you not love me, or will you not?"

Doubts assailed my mind. 

"I wished to be loved by another." I said quietly. "But I desire no man's pity."

"That I know," he said. "You desired to have the love of the Lord Aragorn. Because he was high and puissant, and you wished to have renown and glory and to be lifted far above the mean things that crawl on the earth. And as a great captain may to a young soldier he seemed to you admirable. For so he is, a lord among men, and greatest that now is. But when he gave you only understanding and pity, then you desired to have nothing, unless a brave death in battle. Look at me, Eowyn!"

Then I turned to him and was shaken to see such pained love, and such honesty in his eyes that I nearly cried. For he truly loved me, I could see, pitying my sorrow but loving also that I fought it, and loving what I would be, once I was healed. Faramir saw the person I have long kept locked behind chain mail and haughty pride.

"Do not scorn pity that is the gift of a gentle heart, Eowyn! But I do not offer you my pity. For you are a lady high and valiant and you have yourself won renown that shall not be forgotten; and you are a lady beautiful, I deem, beyond even the words of the Elven-tongue to tell. And I love you. Once I pitied your sorrow. But now, were you sorrowless, without fear or any lack, were you the blissful Queen of Gondor, still I would love you. Eowyn do you not love me?"

With that he took my hand and held it in both of his, and his storm-gray eyes smote me, and I stood again at the abyss that haunted my sleep. But Faramir came up behind me, and clasped my shoulders, and called me back. And I was able to turn to him, to walk with relief away from the darkness, for I knew love awaited me.

"I stand in Minas Anor, the Tower of the Sun, and behold! The Shadow has departed! I will be a shieldmaiden no longer, nor view with the great Riders, nor take joy only in the songs of slaying. I will be a healer, and love all things that grow and are not barren." Then I smiled at Faramir.

"No longer do I desire to be a queen."

He laughed with joy at relief. It was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.

"That is well," He said lightly. "For I am not a king. Yet I will wed with the White Lady of Rohan, if it be her will. And if she will, then let us cross the River and in happier days let us dwell in fair Ithilien and there make a garden. All things will grow with joy there, if the White Lady comes."

Mischief rose to my eyes, and I felt the need to tease Faramir.

"Then must I leave my own people, man of Gondor? And would you have your proud folk say of you: 'There goes a lord who tamed a wild shieldmaiden of the North! Was there no woman of the race of Numenor to choose?'"

But Faramir did not laugh, he was sober when he answered.

"I would." Then he touched my face and drew me close, and though we were high on the walls within easy view of the entire city, he kissed me for all to see. And with that kiss all thoughts of shadow and evil departed from my mind, and I knew I was healed.

We walked slowly hand in hand, talking and making plans for the future (and kissing often, I must in all honesty add) until we reached the Warden of the Houses of Healing. Faramir presented me to the old man.

"Here is the Lady Eowyn of Rohan, and now she is healed." He said, and smiled at me.

"Then I release her from my charge and bid her farewell, and may she suffer never hurt nor sickness again. I commend her to the care of the Steward of the City, until her brother returns," And the Warden smiled at us, and I knew that he had seen us on the Wall. When he smiled I realized how fortunate I had been, to have dwelt so long in a place of such caring and friendliness.

"Yet now that I have leave to depart, I would remain. For this House has become to me of all dwellings the most blessed." I smiled at the Warden, and at Faramir, for here I will remain until my brother arrives.

I know not how he did it, but Faramir somehow cleared his schedule of all things important and spent the day with me. We talked, or were silent, and I told him about my brother and my home, but without bitterness this time. Eomer will be returning soon. I wonder how he will take the news? He will like Faramir, I think.

Only time will tell, but I now look to the future with joy and expectation, for I am healed.

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REVIEW! Please?


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